Ah yes, the joys of fieldwork, which apparently not unlike adolescence, include lots of relatively dramatic moodswings. From the highs of feeling like you're on the right track, talking to lots of interesting people and generally 'getting out there' to the lows of feeling like you really have no idea what you're actually doing, you haven't talked to enough people, or at least enough of the 'right' people (whatever that means...) and you're actually a bit of a fraud as a researcher.
So, I am finding myself on the low end of the fieldworking experience this week. The reason, well, reasons have to do with some deep-thinking about my project as of late. I have been here for 6 months (half my anticipated time here) already! And don't feel like I have really accomplished all that much, especially when compared to other anthropologues I know (in say, Rotterdam or San Francisco) who have been doing their own respective fieldwork-things for about the same amount of time. I also have to put together some sort of paper on my work to present to an awesome reading group I get to hang out with for the end of the month. Since my research has (expectedly) deviated from what I said I would do in my proposal, I have to rethink/ rewrite and possibly reassess how I am framing my research questions, the people I want to talk to , and how I am going to go about talking to them. A wee bit stressful.
So, floating in the fog of fieldwork liminality, here I am, doing the fieldwork freakout - and really looking forward to putting one foot in front of the other toward feeling like I know what I'm doing again.
1e keucheniusstraat 13h, 1051 HN
2 years ago
4 comments:
me too, me too!!! i recently got an nice email from my advisor saying that she is sure i am doing great research and that my Mandarin is fantastic---- I cried a little because i don't feel like either is true.
i am finding the walls of privacy are everywhere, and that in order to accomplish anything i have to be very persistent, pushy and outgoing in ways that make me very uncomfortable..
i almost gave up and booked my flight home- all the agony of missing someone so much and feeling like my whole time in China is a total waste.
hang in there lady- we all feel this way- it helps to read some tales from the field which make you realize this is completely normal. just focus on the process rather than the results and embrace the country as much as you can and then make sense of it all once you get home.
love, hugs and a few shared tears.
Stacy xoxo
thanks, stacy! it really does help KNOWING that EVERYONE goes through these pangs, doubts, and general up and downs. i think this is the best advice ever, and cannot be repeated too often: "just focus on the process rather than the results and embrace the country as much as you can and then make sense of it all once you get home."
hugs and love! xxx
I think Stacey is right. Everyone feels the pressure sometimes. I like her idea of focussing on the process and not the results although I understand that you must do this sometimes to give yourself a kick in the ass every once and a while. If we weren't self-reflexive then we wouldn't be anthropologists, now would we! ;)
Hang in there, bake some cake, let me know if you need a brainstorming session for the paper - we'll do it.
xxx
Ken told me that you're supposed to figure out how the every day works, which you're doing, and then look for the oddities, the inconsistencies, the moments where the every day has deviated. This means that when you're engaging heavily in the humdrum of going to the shop, or having coffee, or wandering down the street you are ON and doing research and only when you're out of the immersion will the combined experiences of normal/not normal take shape in your mind. When you're out of the field, and can't ask more questions (damn you, email!! It never ends!) you can begin to assess your success... Knowing the way you work you are in the uncomfortable part of some brilliant work. I hope you're loving every moment of it!!! The department is lonely without you & Alicia permanently parked in the grad lounge.
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